Melancholy

Sometimes sadness permeates. Despite the busying of schedules, the running around, the avoiding of responsibility and the putting on a good show, we just can't shake it.  I feel silly discussing such sorrow when the world struggles with bigger issues and there is so much in my life to be thankful for.  But when I stop running and when I finally pause for a moment, all of my heartache races back and I find that I can't stop tears from coming.

It has been one month since my furry companion died.  He was a cat.  I knew it would happen someday.  But suddenly, this world I created for the past 16 years was no longer the same.  I guess I didn't realize how much this little buddy became a part of me.  In the book The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman, we learn that a person's animal companion is more than just a pet, it is part of their soul.  When a person becomes separated from their animal or their animal dies, the person suffers excruciating pain.

The past few weeks, as I have wandered through my world, I see that the people I love all still have their companion.  They have one person who belongs to them.  Despite being surrounded with so much support, I feel alone all the time. I never felt like I needed that person and maybe it was because I had NJP.  I realize now I liked that feeling of belonging to something.  Yes, I have good friends and amazing family, but NJP was just mine and I was just his.  Is it silly to fill that role with a pet?  I guess it doesn't matter, because that is just how it feels.

So, my apologies for not posting new events, not writing about amazing books, and no dance videos.  I'm healing.  It's taking a bit of time. Tonight I am turning to music to try to sooth my soul.  Aoife O'Donovan happens to be the daughter of a dear friend of mine.  Her voice always captures my deepest emotions and it just seemed the right stuff to listen to.

Take care of those people and pets you love.  They matter oh so much.