Live the Questions

I'm stealing a few moments. I should be napping while he is, or spending a few extra minutes on the new centers I plan to introduce this week but aren't quite yet ready, or even the coursework I have neglected today. Instead, I'm taking this time to get some words down - something I always feel called to and yet always put last. Why? Why is it that the thing I want so much is the thing I always put last?

So far this month I have finished reading a book (did I even finish one in all of 2019??), have drafted a new picture book idea, and have completed 19 days of Yoga with Adriene. One of her recent emails, as they usually do, got me thinking. In it, she included this poem:

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue.
Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is, to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
RILKE

My questions are continuous and could fill pages. What's next? Why can't I seem to just sit down and write? Why do I spend so much time working? How much is enough? How is it possible that my child is sick AGAIN?? Does anybody have anything figured out or are they all just faking it like I am?

And then this poem. Love the questions? Phew, that was a major pause. Live the questions? I'm not even sure what the means.I do know that when I look back on my questions from 5 years ago, 5 weeks ago, 5 days ago - some of those questions have already been answered. And I'm not even sure when or how that happened. So, maybe I get it? 

For now, I will keep on living, hopefully living the questions. For now, I'm on to my next book, my next draft, my next blog post. For now, one thing at a time.

Here's what I am reading...

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid

No dust jackets in my life. Those are ripe for toddler entertainment.

A few years ago a coworker made a resolution to only read books written by women. I admired that but it was so hard for me to even finish a book I figured I should just make reading a priority to start with. This year, when I should've been writing and instead was deep in an instragram hole, I discovered that Reese Witherspoon has a book club and the focus is on books with women as central characters. So I decided to climb on board. At least then I don't have to answer the question of what to read next. 

I finished Becoming by Michelle Obama yesterday and leapt right into Such a Fun Age, Reese's January book. It's a story centered around a 25 year old black woman, Emira, who babysits for a 33 year old, white, upper-middle class mom, Alix. Alix's desire is to maintain relevance, stay connected and be woke. This is not a book that takes time to get into. I was hooked right away in the first chapter when Emira has Briar, 2 years old, in a schmancy grocery store and someone calls security because they think Emira has kidnapped Bailey. The whole interaction is, sadly, familiar and shocking at the same time.

Tails Are Not for Pulling by Elizabeth Verdick

Oscar is - well - he is standing up in his crib right now so this will be brief. My should-be-napping toddler has entered the world of No-Mine-No-I'mgoingtohityounow-NowI'mgoingtoscreamonthefloor. Tails Are Not for Pulling is a part of the Best Behavior Series. We own this as well as Teeth Are Not For Biting and Hands are Not For Pulling. We're hoping for a miracle or at least a small one. So far he's very interested. And now - to go get that baby.